Arina

“

On February 24, our uncle picked me and my brother Matvii up in Odesa, he also picked up two of our cousins, Bohdan and Sofiia, in Mykolaiv and took us to the Kherson region. My Granny lived there in the village, and it was supposed to be safe there. Mom stayed home, and Dad worked near Mykolaiv, where he set up the Internet to the houses, particularly to rural schools and kindergartens.

On February 25, the village was already occupied by the Russian troops. Their military equipment buzzed around the clock, we could constantly hear the sequences of shots from assault rifles and whistles. Most of the time, we were hiding in the basement.

One day the woman who lived next door told us that they raped the girls our age.

And when the occupiers publicly shot their own wounded military, I felt scared. I understood that each day could be the last day of my life. By some miracle, I managed to call my Dad, I started crying, and asked him to take us away from there. There was an impression as if the big hunt was launched after us.

On March 11, my Dad arrived, at last, he was with me. In the morning, we, together with my brothers and sister, left for Mykolaiv, all in high spirits.

At one point, Daddy shouts, “Children, lay down!”. And the bullets began to fly around us so that we could hear the ringing in our ears –

the russians were shooting our convoy. Everyone was shouting. When the shooting stopped, we were all covered with blood, and Dad started to faint. The bullets started whistling again, and I literally grabbed my brothers and sister by the scruff of the neck and dragged them into the trenches.

I knelt down and asked the Russians to save my Dad.

He was still alive, although he had 17 bullet wounds. They put us, the children, in the car, and put Daddy in the trunk. Only at the Ukrainian border did he receive help, and I was taken to the city by ambulance. Halfway, I began to suffocate, and then I stopped feeling my legs. When my Mom arrived, I begged her to go to Daddy, and she took my hand and said, “Dad is gone.” Then I screamed loudly. Later, in his jacket pocket, right under his heart, the letter I wrote him for Valentine’s Day was found. I wrote that everything would be fine, that we were always by his side, and we would always love him very much.

I started to keep my old diary, that Daddy gave me, again – it still a sign of connection between us.

I think he has the same notebook there (in heaven), through which he reads my letters.

Sometimes I’m afraid to tell people about my condition, so I write there because I’m sure that Daddy will never judge me. During the year, every time when I missed him so much, I was writing down everything that I was experiencing.

I want to become a doctor and help people who need to undergo the complex surgeries and further rehabilitation. Besides, I dream of developing my Daddy’s business. For us, he was and is everything.

DIARY

Good afternoon! My name is Pervunina Arina. I am 12 years old. I want to tell you about my grief. My father died on March 12, he died an unusual death. He died saving me, my younger brother and two other children. On the first day of the war, I went to my grandmother with my brother and two cousins (brother and sister) to Kherson region. Then it became very unsafe there. We were constantly in the basement, there was nothing to eat, life became scary and black.There were rumors about the rapes and kidnapping of children in the village, I was very afraid for my life and the lives of my relatives, because my oldest brother is 13 years old. The life has stopped, we heard and saw how Russian soldiers killed their wounded. I was scared for my life, that it would stop and I would not see my parents again. I called my dad and begged him to take us home and our dad decided to take us.
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On March 11th, dad came to us. We all were so happy. And the next day we went home with my father, four children and our beloved dog Ilasha. We had a little distance left on our way to Mykolaiv while the Russian soldiers started shooting at us. I saw my brother fully covered in blood, my cousins, and a little dog that we all loved very much. The dog protected my cousin from death, but died itself. And then they pulled us out of the car and command us to run into some trenches, they started to scream and insult us with curse words while my father fell asleep behind the wheel of a car. Then I realized that he was dying because everything was covered in blood. I was very scared, but I was sill able to take my brothers and sisters all together. It really hurts me when I think of it. My dad was not ordinary man, he loved us all very much. Once I drew him a picture. He had been always protecting and carrying it with him. I thought he would always protect it, but this could have never happened. I feel very bad about it, that I couldn't save my dad. Since then the feeling of guilt hasn’t left me.
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I don't know how to live after that. My father will forever remain a hero in my heart. Dad, I love you so much...
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My phone number is ***-***-**-**

18/03/2022

I don't want to live
Why do I need a life without a dad? And I'm still a clumsy child who can't do anything on my own.
For sure this is my punishment for not being silent and calling my dad. If I hadn't called my dad, everything would have been fine, everybody would have been alive.

03/18/2022 20:36

I hate myself. Why am I so helpless?

Why are all the children playing and running and I'm sitting on the bench? I'm so stupid and what am I reckoning on? Anyways I will always be like that.

03/20/2022

I have already understood one thing: my only real friend is you, you are the only one who listens to me. And you know, it hurts me a lot to watch my mother crying, I can't take it. It only makes it twice as much painful when I see her tears. This is a some kind of story with a very bad ending, worse a test I cannot handle.

03/25/2022

Dad, I miss you so much, I can't see my life without you, I can't believe thatyou are gone I really hope you are in heavenI love you very much

07/27/2022

I am 12 years old today, dad I miss you a lot it was very hard to spend
birthday without you I love you very much ♡

08/12/2022

You've been gone for half a year now, dad, I miss you so much and I thank you very much for the fact I went to Spain.
Everyone here loved me very much and I realized that I am not the only one, who feels like this.

08/14/2022

Dad, thank you very much for finding a ticket to Spain
Thank you very much and I miss and love you very much ♡

09/13/2022

Dad, I cried for you all day today. I can't do this every day, mom crying, I miss you so much that it's impossible.

09/22/2022

Dad, please help me, my back and knee hurt a lot, I'm begging you
help me please

10/10/2022

Dad, thank you very much for finding a doctor for me, he was able to cure my back. Great
thanks. I love and miss you very much.

07/01/2023

The first New Year without you, dad. I realized that you always made our family laugh and I am very grateful for this. I gave my mother a gift of tea and a letter from you(?). She was very pleased and felt unusual.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ♡

12/03/2023

You have been gone for a year, I don't want to understand it [?…] it is necessary, I love you very much and I miss you very much.

26/05/2023

Dad, I finished the 7th grade, I have very good grades only in physics-6, others are: 9, 10, 11, 8
I love you very much and I will do everything to make you proud of me I love you dad

2/06/2023

Dad, mom found money, so she will order to build a grave monument for you. I'm sure it will be the best. Love you daddy