Violetta

24.02. 2022

Day 1

Unfortunately, we understand that it is not the last one. Around five o'clock in the morning, the whole country woke up to explosions on military sites. For about 40 minutes, there were intermittent sounds of explosions, airwaves, and red clouds. It's not far from my house. Of course, no one fell asleep, some people immediately left, ran to bomb shelters. Around eight o'clock, all chats were buzzing. Tanks entered the territory of our beloved Ukraine from the side of Belarus, fighting in the Kharkiv, Donetsk, and Luhansk regions. They also came from Crimea. My city ends with one of the Ukrainian hydroelectric power stations. It was captured, the tricolor was hung. Tanks are throughout the region. The resistance of Vesele village across the bridge from us was shot. There is a long battle in Oleshki, they don't let the Russians go any further. The whole country is afraid, everyone has different opinions. My family already has many options for where to run. Things are packed. Mom says it's the scariest day of her life. All social networks are buzzing. I was relatively very calm, but I started to write and worry. Everybody talks about a sudden change in life and plans. Old friends write to me. And we don't know how long it will last - some days, weeks, years? And some people are happy about it, idiots! 20:00

25.02. 2022

Day 2

I was at home all day. I rested and watched the news on websites. The city hall was captured. In the parks snipers shell at Vesele village. Explosions and helicopters are heard in the distance. There are lots of news on how to remove UV enemy marks. I wrote to a girl from Vinnytsia, her parents turned out to be soldiers, Kyiv and Kharkiv are being captured. I close my eyes during long explosions. I remembered that I know a guy who lives near Vesele village. He does not respond to messages. So many relatives and acquaintances can possibly die! 22:10

Part II

How was my year like?

Once at school, we were asked to write an essay on the topic "How did I spend my summer?" We were telling about all the fun memories and new friends. We didn't like life because vacations had been so short. I would like to leave on paper my memories for this year - February 2022 - February 2023. So many things are going to change in life, so you need to remember your history.

24.02.2022 _ 4:50

I woke up to my house shaking. I almost fell out of bed, so I immediately got up from it. "The war" is the first thought. Even I am sad because I understood everything at once. For a month there were conversations about the probability of the invasion by russian troops, but I didn't believe it. Because I believed in civilization. I was wrong, it is not everywhere. I started looking for my parents in our apartment to ask what to do. They opened the kitchen window to at least see something.  We felt how the air vibrates. I went to wake up my older sister, but I ran because of the shock. The explosions continued. I thought that bombs were falling from airplanes and they could fall on our house at any moment. We opened the curtains in our room and I just froze in place. Until that moment, we were still not sure if those were really explosions. Now that was for sure. Unfortunately. This fiery smoke seems to be over my school five minutes' walk away. We were sitting like that for two hours, with no understanding what would happen next.

355 day of war

I can't believe I'm writing this. In 10 days there will be a year of fear, pain, injustice. My protective reaction is a smile. Russians are liars and murderers. I do not cry, but cheer up my loved ones. I will stand everything. Ukrainians are strong and united. The world hears us. I have been in a foreign place for more than half a year. These are facts that even a year ago I did not expect to find in my thoughts.
What did they do to you? This is exactly the question I have when I see photos of my native bombed-out city. My native Nova Kakhovka. I can't think of you without crying. It breaks my heart to think that my history, 13 years of my life, have been taken from me. All those places, people... They are gone. And why only at such moments we do really begin to appreciate all those simple things? Family and goals are all I have left. My fire, love for creativity and world, will never fade. But 13 years have become continuous memories, photos.
But we have a future. And we will fight for it. We will not be silent, everyone will hear our cry! We can change the world, I realized that this year. Everything is in our hands, small steps - big distances: 30 million 680 thousand moments. They are behind. But how much is ahead. I want people to live now, in the moment. This is all we have. We don't know tomorrow, yesterday won't come back, This is for us to understand for sure. Whatever language we speak, say "Thank you", "I love you", "I can". Because it's true.

Dear Ukraine, the best, the closest, strong, independent, united. People are selfish, we all are. I'm sorry that we didn't love everything about you the way you are. We dreamed of America, Greece, France or even russia. But I always wondered why people only look for the negative things in you. You are a big country with a strong history, talented people and unique traditions.When I was born, you were here. I woke up on February 24, 2022 at 5 am from explosions, you were here. These bastards want to bite as much of you as possible and lie about who you are. But you stand, you don't run away, you fight back. You are not the soil, you are the people. We realized that our values are common, the same. To hug a friend who wrote "How are you?" not because she cares, but because she is afraid of losing you. To cheer up a mother who is crying because she simply does not understand what to do next. To tell the world about yourself, because they will help, and you really need it right now. We are equal and we will prove it. They are not foundations for us, but struggles. They will not see our tears. But they will feel our suffering.This is not praise to the state, it is gratitude to the people. Those who put themselves under fire for free or give everything to save others. We are all beings. These are People. Thank you for it is because of you we are here, alive. THANK YOU

"Explosions in Mykolaiv, Kyiv...Explosions in Kherson" were in all social networks. In the groups of my town, videos were published of dozens of cars leaving for the village, other regions, and abroad. And we don't know whether to run away or whether everything will be fine. We don't know anything. We went to sleep, if you can call it that, thinking that if everything was fine in the morning, then I would go to school. I made the whole family laugh, I tried, because the shock squeezed all the positivity out of me. I go into the bathroom, stop laughing, look in the mirror and say to myself: "If it happens like in 1941, will I go to defend the Motherland?". But this is the risk of my life. But it is a choice, what kind of life you will have. I will go because this is my country. But I don't want to die like that.
I can't even write this... I've been holding on for so long. I cannot bear to remember these horrors. But I want to be heard.

24. 02. 2022 10:30

Video of tank columns in Novaya Kakhovka... Russian flag at our hydroelectric power station... We are sitting in the hall, reading the news... Unknown, unknown, unknown. I was in shock, a little scared, but I didn't want to cry. I smiled, read all the news with positive thoughts)

12:00

We are talking in the hall and at this time armored personnel carriers are driving under the windows. For the first time in my life, I see effective tanks, with that hated Z.

25-28. 02. 2022

We don't leave the house. I'm just afraid I'm going to step out of the driveway and get shot. The streets are almost empty. Dad goes to work, brings groceries. The village is being shelled through the hydroelectric power plant. I write to my friend from there, but he does not answer. How many of my friends may die... Helicopters are flying.Then life went on as usual, cut off from the world. I don't remember the specifics, but it got worse and worse in the city.

03. 03. 2022

Together with my sister and mother, I join a secret humanitarian organization, which, with faith in Ukraine, inconspicuously delivers medicines and products to those who physically cannot go to get them. We pack a bunch of orders, boys deliver them. We have a map of the city that shows where they shoot if you show up there.A woman comes and collects a very large order (all for free) for a neighboring village. On the same day, she glorifies the Rashists in her social networks.

12:00

We are talking in the hall and at this time armored personnel carriers are driving under the windows. For the first time in my life, I see effective tanks, with that hated Z.

04. 03. 2022

The connection is cut off for the first time. We don't know what's going on in the city anyway, and now we can't get in touch if dad is at work. Life goes on naturally, without changes...
A family who wanted to leave the city was shot dead on the way out... Life goes on as usual, without changes... In the park where I walked every day, equipment was placed... Everything is fine.

March 20, 2022

We walk around the city. We are stopped by the military near the city executive committee. They ask our phones for verification. My sister has a photo of notes in Ukrainian. They don't understand a word. Dad brought empty shells he found, mom had their photos. We are recommended to throw them away. They refer to the criminal code of the Russian Federation... And this was the moment when I understood - this is not the army in my Ukrainian city. They consider it a part of their "empire"... Are we Russia? No way. But how so? Then I felt that this month (so long??) I was sadder than usual. The explosions continue, we often sit in the corridor. They kidnap people to the basement. People are being tortured. They force you to explain something about the city or to cooperate. After such torture, journalists leave with their families and talk about the brutality of the occupiers. APCs, tanks, cars with painted Z everywhere. It's a miracle if you only saw it twice in 5 minutes. It became so common that I was always ready to hide my phone or turn my head away.

It's hard to write now because I'm starting to remember all these details. My past self rushes into my head, but I am no longer her. I will never be her.

My dad goes to Kherson. It is very dangerous and difficult. Although it used to be the norm to go every week to the theater or shops. My mother is very worried about him, I laugh at her and hug her, because it is so difficult and scary for her... Mom, you are doing very well, believe me. You are so strong.

April 2022

othing will be like it was before. I already understood it then, although I did not know how my life would change in a couple of months. Violetta, forget these people. They will not come back. It will be easier for you. They are just memories. Very cool memories. No, you won't see them, you won't hug them, they won't walk in your places. Did they betray you? Did you leave? Enough! They saved their lives. They are happy. They are not your people anymore! Do not miss them, do not tear your soul! Dear, thank you for everything! You are really very dear to me. You were.I miss you so much. I love you so much. You were my bests. Yes, most likely, we will never see each other again. Thank you for your smiles. I was always myself with you. Thank you for every "How are you?", for every "I'm proud of you", "See you again". I will call you soon with congratulations on the victory. Now others are laughing with me. But you are like the first love.

I learn knitting from my grandmother. Days are more fun with her. She is very kind and funny to me. I am remaking a sundress she knitted when I was 8 years old. I fall asleep a little at the end of each line :) These are the positive memories that kept me going. Grandma went to Lviv with grandfather and great-grandmother  in the twenties . By that time, my dad had already started traveling there and back to the free territories.

May 2022

The soldiers talk about the fact that they will bring their families to such a beautiful city. There are only vacant houses. People from the DNR and LNR were brought to the city. There are very few Nova Kakhovka’s residents left. You won't meet a familiar face on the street, although in a city with a population of 40,000 you at least see the same strangers in the same place.May 9 - Victory Day in the Second World War. My mother and I, as usual, walked around the city. We walked along the embankment on its left side. On the right is a summer cinema, where another concert of the Russian folk ensemble "Pesny-Plyaski" was taking place. That damn St. George tape "Colorado beetle", we meet one person with such "accessories", another... And at some point, the two of us go against the crowd of brainwashed people. You could imagine this scene from a utopia. There are two of us against dozens who believe and were waiting for Russian peace. My mom looks around with such fear on her face. I saw the family of my acquaintance from the circle on the shore. But we passed and did not see if they had tape. When we've passed most of the troops, my mom puts on her sunglasses to keep the rushists off us and starts sobbing. Do they really believe in it? In murderers, rapists, liars, terrorists. How long will it last? Later we will meet the mother of that acquaintance. She is "out of politics". "ATB-market" was replaced by "SOC-market" and different names throughout the region. Products are imported from Crimea and they are of such quality that it is better to starve. Fortunately, we are an agricultural region, so we buy many things at the market. Oh yes, I forgot to say. Back in March, the statue of Lenin was returned to the main square. The tricolor and slogans of the USSR were hung.

It turns out that our always pro-Russian mayor kept it in a warehouse under close supervision all this time. There are soldiers at every meter, in the market, on the embankment, in an infinite number of armored personnel carriers. Our mayor, who has been ruling for 12 years, has always been cunning. He still cooperate with the Rashists and receive financial aid from Ukraine. Copy of Putin, same bold deadly head. And the military, they are not even Russian. Most of them are from Donetsk region or Kadyrivtsi. I left the city for the first time. Grandma's village is nearby. Roadblocks every 15 meters. they look at the car, sometimes the luggage. Psychological trick: "Are you all right?" - "Yes, everything is fine with us." One saw that I was the youngest in the car and offered peppermints. I know that you can't take anything from strangers) And at the same moment I remember that he has a machine gun and wants to shoot us. And he will get nothing for it. Again, my defensive reaction. I couldn't sit still the whole way (half an hour), I was joking and laughing. My psyche was playing a wicked game. I went for the first time and walked three times with a friend. We had so much fun, we went knee-deep in water, played board games. We even sang "Stephania". I like my bravery. Mom says not to walk where there are no people, because many girls were raped. On the 27th, the connection was completely disconnected. People, like zombies, stood in piles near a closed cafe, where the local Internet, which the Rashists forced to cooperate, was catching a little. I live in front of a small forest that was planted 50 years ago. Behind him are mines and equipment. One tank burned down and became an interesting exhibit - a toy for children.

June 2022

The happiest period during the occupation. First, I love summer. Sun, warmth, free time, many different activities, and for our region berries and fruits. I didn't even know that in other cities without our supplies it is in deficit and 10 (???!!!) times more expensive. My birthday is on the third)) I love this holiday very much. My uncle (a pro-Russian collaborator) had already bought the local internet, so I read and watched all the greetings at his house. My ex-best friend recorded a funny video, phrases-compliments from which stuck in my head for a long time, as affirmations and support. My family and I went on a picnic, I took a great photo and had fun. I'm used to not having close friends, but there is always at least one guest at the party. Dad brought canvases for painting, a new phone and a board game from the free territories. Incredible gifts! It was my happiness that no one can take away. My family. There were still many pleasant memories. We came back from the picnic early because we heard the shelling. In the middle of the month, we went to the sea, to Arabatskaya arrow, like every summer. They were afraid that it would be mined, but it is not beneficial to the Rashists themselves. We passed a bridge where on 24.02 a Ukrainian soldier blew up part of it with himself (it slowed down the equipment, but... He is still a hero! He sacrificed his life. Thank you.

They were pure memories, very, very happy. Lots of laughs. At the end of the month I was told that we were going to leave the city. Because the education will be Russian. Back in May, I read school textbooks on history, where paragraphs are devoted to the fact that Catherine II lied. In the literal sense, she rewrote history, attributed Kyivan Rus to the history of Russia. This is an elementary fact, 8th grade. I burst into tears. I could not imagine myself without Nova Kakhovka. Then after a couple of days I resigned. I drew a family portrait, because these are people who never leave me, love me unconditionally.

July 2022

We left the house in the morning. At 8 AM we had already passed 16 checkpoints and stood in a column. Approximately number 270. While we were driving, the sun blinded my father's eyes a little, we drove beyond the roadblock line. The soldier was already ready to shoot. I knitted, read, waited in the car.  In Vasylivka (the only remaining exit point at that time) people were released only in the afternoon. I went for a walk with my dad to the store in the village. We slept in the car on the side of the road.Parents made friends with people nearby. It's always like that in convoys, as my dad was constantly going back and forth. I draw everything I see. We went to the store for ice cream. Today, the queue passes faster. There is an animal rehabilitation center in Vasylivka, so we went to see it. Mostly there are lions and bears, very nice. Around 18:30 we passed the checkpoints. Then we drove through the gray zone for about 1.5 hours. Shooted schools stand separated from the foundations.
I forgot to tell you about the event at the beginning of March. March for Ukraine. My mother did not let me go, because it is very dangerous. My sister and mother attended it. Hundreds of people with Ukrainian flags. Together they shout newly created slogans and sing Ukrainian songs. 1.5 hours of expression of will for freedom. In the occupation, you really forget what freedom of speech is. Boys climbed onto the roof of the Palace of Culture and hung blue and yellow flags. Then audio-visual machines/bombs, shooting began. Several were injured by pieces of flying glass.
Because people began to go to the local council - occupiers’ gathering point. This is proof that we do not obey. We are unbreakable!

In the evening, around 9:30 p.m., we arrived in Zaporizhzhia accompanied by the police. At the last Russian checkpoint, the Kadyrov’s guy was joking and checking my sister's phone. When the Ukrainian roadblocks started, I heard the Ukrainian language, flags - I was in my country. Are the occupiers human too? I got scared every time  I saw a military person for another 2 months, although they were our defenders. The army should not inspire fear, but a sense of security. I am very grateful to all the people who help those who left the occupied territories. In Zaporizhzhia, there is a beautiful large center where you can register for free, apply for financial assistance, take all the necessary hygiene products, and eat warm food. We were taken to spend the night in a kindergarten.

02. 07. 2022

We walk, as usual, along the embankment. My mother and sister and I walk along the main street parallel to the bank of the Dnipro. I really like our spring water, so we go down to get some. We descend and hear the sound of a collision in the sky, a bright spot. The earth trembled in a second. The sound is similar to the bomb falling and buildings crashing. We run in the opposite direction in panic. We are under the leaves of tall trees, and rocket debris is falling into the river by our side. Air raid alert howled for the first time in 4 months. When we were returning home, we saw a lot of smoke on the main street. Armed Forces of Ukraine strike very aptly, but this time rocket was shot down. House. Three two-story apartment buildings burned to the ground. Missile debris all over the city. In this neighborhood, the windows were shaking. I was 300 meters from the center of events. Not for the first time, not for the last time, an inner desire saved my life. It was the first, and far from the last, bomb falling on the house. "Peacemakers" do not want to die. They have to "save" us.

11.07. 2022

We arrived in Odessa in the evening. Werented a very nice apartment. I was still afraid of roadblocks. That same evening, friends from my city send a video of how the the warehouse was bombed. Saltpetre, various fuels were found nearby in an unknown way - fireworks went off until 5 AM. They write to me: "How lucky you are that you had the chance to leave"

In the following months, many incredible events happened in my life. I have changed a lot, I am very happy. Lots of fantastic people, opportunities, achievements.
Nova Kakhovka is collapsing, about 10% of the locals are left. I am not sure that there will be any place to return to. There is no exit now. My dad lives there now. A chance to see each other only abroad. I am sincerely grateful to my family, who are always with me. Even in these difficult times, they are the only thing left from my past. I love you very much!

Remember, everything is in our hands. This is what I realized this year. Every word and thought is important. We are free, always will be. This is a mistake we will not repeat again. We will not forgive and we will not forget. This is not a problem of only Ukrainians, you and I live in a huge world. I am glad that our voices are heard!

Glory to Ukraine!
Your Violetta